I'd rather be following along, starting point!

Alright. It's time to put my money where my mouth is. I told you all that I didn't win Mamavation, so instead, I'm doing the Mamavation Follow Along program. I did the program the last time around, and while I didn't lose too much weight, it helped me gain a better vibe about this whole weight loss thing.

The program is pretty straight forward and very easy to customize to your liking. All I (or you, if you want to join in) have to do, is make a weekly blog post telling everyone what you have been eating, how you have been exercising, and how you are feeling. Then you link it up to Bookieboo (a fitness community for moms) to let the other moms know what you have been up to. What I feel is the best part of this campaign is the huge amount of support you can recieve from the other moms. I love commenting on other mamavation moms' posts, tweeting to them about their day, and just "being there" to offer a shoulder to lean on. And they in turn do the same for me. I have already made a bunch of friends that are pushing me and encouraging me to keep it up. I'm so excited to kick some major arse this time around!

Now, here comes the hard part. Last round, I was able to post the dreaded "here-are-my-nasty-feet-on-a-scale-with-an-even-nastier-measurement" picture directly in the safety of Bookieboo. Where no one would see it unless they either knew it was there or were a fellow mamavation mom. But now, I have to post it on my blog. For all of you. That kinda sucks, as the reveal of that *exact* number is enourmously frightening and pretty horrifying. Not that you can't tell just by looking at me that I need to lose weight. But this is finite. It is a direct measurement to compare and contrast with. And, if you are anything like me, you will compare and contrast it to your own or others. That will probably not bode well for me. I can imagine a chorus of "oooooh, I didn't realize it was that bad" going off through out my circle of readers.

In light of this scary fact, I have decided to take my number back. To make it so that it stings a little less to show it to you. I own this number. It is my number. So yeah, I weigh 200. (And that is my early morning, butt naked, weight.) When I'm at the doctor, they have to push that freaking little arrow up to the next 50 pound notch. I shop (insert evil music here) in the "woman's" section. There are lots of things not healthy about me. Here is the picture to prove it.

But it's my number. And my weight. And my body. It has got me through a lot in these past 31 years. It had two babies. It walked 120 miles in 6 days. It carries me to all the places I need to go, and keeps me keeping on. Yeah, I weight 200 pounds.

200 (painful, lovely, annoying, honest, determined) pounds.

But soon, it will be less.

This week I am eating healthy (weight watchers style.) I am being active (EA Active.) I am moving more and sitting less (Gruve, baby!) And I am mamavating.

I plan to lose some of those 200 pounds. But gain a whole lot more of awesomeness along the way.

I'd rather Make Monday More

There is always drama out there, but recently it feels like it's getting out of control.

Mommy drama

Swag fights

Balloon Boy

TSA

Ugh. Enough already.

My Monday's tend to suck already, I really don't need to add any fuel to the fire.

So, I'm doing something that will help. I'm going to Make Monday More. It's my quest - and I hope some of you will join in - to make Monday's better by doing something to make someone or something better.

Last Monday, I didn't do much. I'm hoping you'll forgive me, because I was mending from doing somthing huge the day before - walking 60 miles, and raising $2,400+ for breast cancer.

The Monday before that, I commented on a wonderful woman's blog - she doesn't get many comments, and she needed some support.

This monday, I put out a call to twitter, and asked my tweeps how I could help. I already voted for a blog in a "best blog" contest. (Oh, and I got a few more requests - I just donated to another person's fundraising and gave a #mamavation vote!)

This is my point - I'm making Monday better. Every Monday, I pledge to make someone smile, I plan to leave a comment, let someone go in front of me in line, I plan to donate. I plan to send out some positive energy. Not because I want something back for it. Not to get credit.

Just because, I can. Just because I'm kinda sick of Monday sucking. I'm Making Monday More.

**If you want to see what I did every monday, I'll be tweeting it from @amndaj with the hashtag, #makemondaymore - please feel free to do the same!**

I'd rather I won.

Today is a hard day. Not the worst, mind you. I know it could be a whole hell of a lot worse.

But, none the less, it hurts.

I did not get chosen to be mamavated. I didn't even reach the top 5.

It was hard to apply - as I imagine it was for all the applicants. It was an extremely hard thing to write about my weight and to put my vlog out there - into the world for all to see. I tried to do it during the first Mamavtion campaign, and couldn't even get the vlog done because I was so worried about who would see it. But I did it this time. I made a vlog. I wrote the words. I told you all that, yes, I am overweight, and yes, it sucks.

I knew the chances of me getting to be the winner were slim. I mean, not only did I need to be willing to work hard (and I mean, hard) but I needed to show commitment, and I had to get people to vote. So I basically had to find you all, tell you I was fat, then tell you to help me fix it. And get more of you to do it than others. (Again, I repeat, not easy.) Oh, and also compete with other ladies who probably needed it as much as I did.

I had my guard up. I couldn't tell you everything - about every last moment that I have had in my past 15 years that got me to this point. That would be too hard. And it would take far too long. No, that would only happen if there was a good chance that I could take the title home. Become THE Mamavation Mom.

But then I started hoping. And dreaming. And letting my head feel how much my heart wanted it. And I said it out loud. And I let my guard down. I even answered questions - and asked some of my own. And I felt good about doing this. I told my husband that I really wanted this and that it would change - everything. The man even went out and got a twitter account just to support me, for heaven's sake.

Then I waited. For what seemed like an eternity - but really, it was only less than 2 days.

It was announced.

I did not win. I did not make it to the finalists. Close, but, no cigar.

And then it started. The tears. And they just kept coming. And coming. And I tried to twitter, and I tried to dm, and I tried to distract or put on a happy face. But the tears kept coming.

Seriously, it was ridiculous.

I hate when I cry - and my freakin' eyes do it way too often, little twerps. It wasn't any diferent this morning. I was a bawling baby.

Then I realized why I was crying so stinking much. That, not only did I want to win, and that I needed to win, but that I had to do something. And do it now.

So I am. I am making changes. Ready, here it goes:

• I'm changing up the blog - new location, new look, new content.
• I'm changing my twitter id to go with the blog
• I'm going back to healthy eating and making dinner at home.
• I'm exercising.
• I'm getting my butt in gear and doing things. Things that make me move more, and sit in front of the tv or computer less.
• I'm taking my kids and husband with me. It's a one for all kind of thing.

It will be hard. I won't have the support of the throngs of people that the Mamavation winner will have. But I can do it. Maybe not at warp speed, but I can at least freaking start, for crying out loud.

But one thing I won't be changing: I won't stop supporting the other Mamavation Moms - or anyone who wants to stop the battle, for that matter. I know a few more of you will feel what I'm feeling in a few days, when the final cuts are made.

And I can help. I'll let you cry and I'll let you get pissed. I'll let you eat some chocolate and sit on the couch to watch a chic flick. But then, you're gonna join me. We will write it out. We will work it out. And we will kick some ass.

We will get healthy. Together.

I'd rather be mamavated

So here it is. For all of the world (aka, the handful of you who already follow this new-born blog, and those awesome mamavation ladies coming to check in on the competition) to see. I'm putting myself out there today. I'm telling you the cold hard truth. It might be hard to hear, but it is much harder to say.

I need to lose weight. A lot of it. (Think: the weight of a small child.) But more than that, I need to get fit. Healthy.

It is funny that I write this about a day before I go do the biggest physical challenge of my life. I know how much of a contradiction it sounds like, but it's not. I did the Breast Cancer 3-day last year too. You know how it ended? With me hobbling up the street, both my knees bandaged and iced, smelling like Bengay, only able to sit on the curb - because it hurt that bad. And in between the start and the finish, I spent plenty of time in the medical tent - icing, see the sports medicine people, and even the chiropractor. Why? Well, it's a long story, but in a nutshell, I was too heavy for the stress I was putting on my body.

So why am I walking the 60 miles again? Obviously, it is an incredible and moving experience. And if I didn't train and do the walk, I would have spent all that time sitting on my butt and avoiding sweat like the palgue. But, more than that, I thrive when I am challenged. That is where mamavation comes in.

I need to be challanged. To be pushed. I work at losing weight - but I give in and give up too easily. I need the support mamavation will lend - and I, in turn, will pass it out too.

I need this. Badly.

I don't want to buy another pair of jeans one size bigger than the last. I don't want to laugh when someone asks me to go run. I don't want to eat grease as my meal the majority of the week. I don't want to cry when I go meet people I haven't seen in a while. I don't want my kids to see my unhealthy ways and think it's okay. I don't want to be the fat girl anymore.

I want my jeans to fall off of me. I want to run a 5K. I want to eat yummy, but healthy meals. I want to be self confident. I need to be self confident. I want my kids to be healthy, active, and self-assured girls that grow into healthy, active, confident adults. I want the person I used to see on the inside to match what is on the outside.

I want this. I need this. Please help?

If you would like to help me become a mamavation mom, you need to tweet to Leah, @bookieboo to get me into the finals. (include @bookieboo, #mamavation, and @amndaj in your tweets.) Example:

Hey, @bookieboo I vote for @amndaj to be the next #mamavation mom!

Thank you so much for reading what I just let ooze onto the blog, straight from my heart. This is something that, for the most part, I keep bottled up. I hope that by putting myself out there, you will feel what I'm saying and lend your support. Or at least a fist bump.

With out further ado, here is my mamavation vlog entry:

I'd rather you felt your boobs.

I'm back! It has been a while, but I think I've found my mojo!

And to prove it, I'm running a breast cancer awareness contest on my other blog, The Pink Purpose. Won't you come over and join in?

Don't forget - FEEL YOUR BOOBS!

ps - I am going to be starting new posts soon, including a weekly post on making monday more! More what? You'll just have to come back and see!