I'd rather be following along, week 5 (where did week 4 go?)

Sooooooo....It's been a while, huh?

Sorry about that.  Life gets in the way sometimes, huh?  Well, at least mine does.  Frequently.  Does yours?

I always mean to have good intentions.  I always mean to eat well.  I always want to be motivated.  I always want to work out.  Well, maybe not work out, but, you get the point.  Even when I'm not motivated - I want to be motivated, and then I try to will myself to be motivated.

But sometimes I let dumb things get in the way.
I trip over some drama.
Or a stupid scandal.
I eat too much turkey.
I let a whole bunch of nothing impede my progress.

Sometimes, I realize I'm letting the important things slide by too.   Like spending time with my kids.  Making my house less like a chaotic freak show and more like a manageable science experiment.  Taking care of my family and helping them through the rough patches.

And, all of that is tiring.

So, that's what happened in week 4 - and most of week 5.

I know some of you were concerned that I fell off the planet.  I didn't.  I just had a nice heaping pile of lame and worthy excuses that had to be addressed.

I didn't want to come back.  You might have caught that on twitter.  I wasn't feeling it.  Having a slump.

But I did the good old, "fake it til you make it" tried and true exercise.  I started working out again.  I did the yoga.  The the EA Active More and Wii Fit Plus games.  I even met the Shred.  (Which, can I add - I hate Jillian Michaels.  In a, "why do I have to do another push up?" kind of way.  And I hate the fact that I can't do a jumping jack with out being reminded that I had 2 kids.  Ugh.)

So I kept at that and I'm pretty sure it carried me through.  I'm back again.  I'm tracking what I eat and I'm working out.  And, most importantly, I'm feeling it.  I want to be back at this.  I AM back at this.

Kicking butt, taking names, and being awesome.

And, by some miracle of the turkey-loving gods, I have made it out of these two weeks at 192 lbs, only a one pound gain.

I'd rather be following along, Week 3

Be forewarned that this is a lengthily post.  But, you may want to stick it out, for the props I give you at the end. ;)

Emotions:  My kids were sick all week.  Swine flu sick.  Fevers, rashes, vomiting - it was lovely.  So, I was pretty run down, stressed, and in dire need of free time!  Needless to say, I didn't get any.  Instead, I got a queasy stomach - that didn't seem to settle, unless I was nibbling on some kind of cracker/pretzel/toast, etc.  I was exhausted, and found it very hard to be motivated to do anything after I had fulfilled the request of every one else.

Diet:  I'm not going to post my meals here, but I did keep track with my ww online tools.  I did pretty well with the diet, considering my propensity to head straight to carry out when times get tough.  We managed to eat at home for all but one of our week night dinners.  I stayed within my points for the week, and I didn't eat one of the tubs of ice cream in my fridge.  (Yes, I said "one of" because there are several - that's a whole other story.)  I did have a couple sodas, but again, these seemed to settle the tummy.  (No, I'm not preggers.)

Exercise:  Unfortunately I didn't get to my yoga class.  (This studio rocks btw, because they called me to see if everything was okay!)  I did do a few of my EA Active workouts, but not enough.  My gruve was rather mad at me too, as I didn't have my normal activity of taking everyone everywhere and running errands.  Instead, I was stuck on a couch, next to a sick-o the whole week.  So, yeah, my body is rather bored.

Summary:  It all came out well, in the end.  I was 193.5 last week, and this morning, I was 191!  Down 2.5 pounds this week, and 9 in the last 3 weeks! Only a little over a pound to lose, and I will wear those leg warmers for y'all!  Guess I need to do some shopping this week!

One more thing.  It occurs to me that I may have been withholding from you all.  Or, at least, it feels that way. I never really wrote down my whole life's weight story.  And it really is just too much to go into right now - for you all to read, and for me to put so much emotion into.  (There would be tears, lots of tears.) BUT, I should let you know, that I have been actively trying to lose this weight (the weight that I have had on my frame since being at my heaviest) for quite a while.  Actually, since November 2007.  On that day - the first day I went back to weight watchers - I weighed 220.6 pounds. 

That is insane.  Insane that I'm writing it down, and insane that it ever got that bad.  I don't ever remember being that size, but it was recorded, so it must be true.  It has been a long haul - with lots of ups and downs, too many different routines and diets to count.  But, I look at my graph, and the overall slope of it is down.  I have lost almost 30 pounds in the last 2 years.

I think I needed to get that out so that you knew that this is hard for me.  Really freaking hard.  I am stunned that it is coming off at this rate right now.  But, more than stunned, I'm thankful.  I wanted to tell you my heaviest weight, so I could tell you ladies how thankful I am. 

To you ladies that come and post...
That read my tweets...
That give me gentle pushes
That give me tons of encouragement...
That sincerely care about me...
To you ladies that keep it real -

I am overwhelmingly and forever grateful for your support.  I have never been more determined to do this in my life as I am right now.  And that is thanks to you.  As we get closer to Thanksgiving, I will remember you, and be thankful for YOU.

I'd rather be following along, week 2

Alright, this has to be a quick one.  Well, quicker than what I want it to be.  (I want to have a bitch-fest...but...)  I have a little girl with a fever here, and another that went through the traumatic experience of having 3 people hold her down to draw blood today.  So, needless to say, they require a bit of my attention.

Here is the rundown.

Eating:  Very good for the most part.  Lots of veggies/fruits, good portions.  The last of the reese's were eaten, though...thank goodness they are out of the house now!  The big problem was from Friday night until Saturday midday.  We had friends over, and consequently, had high calorie food and drink.  (sugary alcohol drinks, and pizza, and chips...bad Mandy.)  Then Saturday, was our church's annual holiday dinner and bazaar fundraiser.  We almost always go - and get all those yummy oysters, turkey, mashed potatoes, etc.  Got back on later that night, but the damage was done.

Exercise:  I fell down on the job here.  I did do a couple EA Active workouts.  And took the dog for a walk.  I did another great yoga class.  And I did, somehow, manage to get my #gruve to green every day.  But, I definitely could have done a lot more.  A whole lot more.

Emotions:  I had a "monthly" visitor this week.  (Sorry guys.)  So that always makes me gain a little and get ridiculously ravenous.  I find it hard to control myself.  But, for the most part, I did.  It definitely helped to see the other mamavation mom's tweeting out what they were up to.  You all always remind me that we are in it together - and I don't want to let you down!

On to the scale.  It sucks - the scale, that is.  Really.  I can never tell which weight is accurate.  Step on 3 different times, it will show 3 different numbers.  This time, I got it down to two numbers - either 192, or 194.  I'm going to err on the side of caution and say this week's weigh in was 193.5  So, that is down 1.5 for the week.  I will take that - I'm happy with it.  Not ecstatic, but happy.  It is just enough that I don't want to give up, and just under what I want, so that it pushes me forward.
(oh, and it is - apparently - really hard to take a pic with my crappy cell & get a half way decent picture. Sorry.)

There you have it.  Down 6.5 pounds so far.  Firmly in one-der-land.  (I am giddy about this, and can't wait to be in the 80's again.  I might wear leg warmers on that day)

See you next week!

I'd rather be following along, week 1!

As far as being healthy goes, this was a great week. No, it was a freaking fantastic week!

I'll tell you why:

1. I ate well. Here is my food diary, in a nut shell:

Monday: cereal

portbella spinach past (healthy choice, and soooo good.)

chips and salsa (an actual measured serving size)

flank steak, small serving of pasta, and lot's o' spinach.

Tuesday: cereal, apple

Portabella marsala pasta

(another yummy healthy choice meal)

flank steak, and a nice big blob of veggies

Wednesday: This day was a little rocky, as I skipped breakfast.

Sun dried tomato pesto chicken pasta

cucumbers, string cheese, light popcorn

Pizza - but a controlled serving size.

Thursday: cereal

Yeah, another microwave meal & an apple

caramel macchiato. Yup, I said it.

Beef pin wheel (w/ cheese, peppers & spinach inside)

broccoli and a few potato wedges.

Friday: More cereal

mini pizza's (microwaved) topped with veggies

Off to a movie, so I grabbed 3/4 of a chick-fil-a sandwich.

I did not have soda at the movie, but I did

succumb to the popcorn.

(a small box that I did not even come close to finishing)

Saturday: I know, I need variety....cereal.

Apparently, for lunch, I decided to skip a meal and

polish off the popcorn instead. oops.

I made (and tweeted) a cute little mummy made of

pizza dough, ham & cheese

Sunday: Big breakfast out with bacon, eggs, & english muffin

(coffee w/ 2 sugars, 2 pats butter, & 1 tsp jelly)

2 Reese's peanut butter cups. No lunch.

Fish, asparagus, rice for dinner

So, while it was not perfect, I didn't go out to eat all the Friday to Sunday meals (as I could easily, and often do.) I ate much less than I normally would. I made dinner. Often.

2. I exercised! I did my first long yoga class. It was fantastic! I was complaining about the pain for days later. Who knew yoga could kick your butt so hard? I also started a new EA Active 30 day workout. Those are always great - but I pushed myself to do the running (which I normally opt out of) and I did pretty well. *pat on the back* Oh, one last thing - I wore my Gruve all week, and got to green every day! (That just means, I reached my goal of burning calories and sat on my butt less.)

3. My kids were all in it with me! They took yoga classes too, and loved it. They drank water and ate more veggies and fruits. And we were burning up with wii:

4. I won some Earth footwear shoes! Not just one, actually, but three pairs! WOOT! That 3 degree angle will really help me feel the burn - can't wait for them to arrive!

5. I lost weight ~ awwwwww, yeah!

That would be, my stinky feet, on a scale that says 195! (Down 5 pounds!)

I'm so excited and so happy! I told ya'll I was going to rock it. ;)

See you next week!

I'd rather be following along, starting point!

Alright. It's time to put my money where my mouth is. I told you all that I didn't win Mamavation, so instead, I'm doing the Mamavation Follow Along program. I did the program the last time around, and while I didn't lose too much weight, it helped me gain a better vibe about this whole weight loss thing.

The program is pretty straight forward and very easy to customize to your liking. All I (or you, if you want to join in) have to do, is make a weekly blog post telling everyone what you have been eating, how you have been exercising, and how you are feeling. Then you link it up to Bookieboo (a fitness community for moms) to let the other moms know what you have been up to. What I feel is the best part of this campaign is the huge amount of support you can recieve from the other moms. I love commenting on other mamavation moms' posts, tweeting to them about their day, and just "being there" to offer a shoulder to lean on. And they in turn do the same for me. I have already made a bunch of friends that are pushing me and encouraging me to keep it up. I'm so excited to kick some major arse this time around!

Now, here comes the hard part. Last round, I was able to post the dreaded "here-are-my-nasty-feet-on-a-scale-with-an-even-nastier-measurement" picture directly in the safety of Bookieboo. Where no one would see it unless they either knew it was there or were a fellow mamavation mom. But now, I have to post it on my blog. For all of you. That kinda sucks, as the reveal of that *exact* number is enourmously frightening and pretty horrifying. Not that you can't tell just by looking at me that I need to lose weight. But this is finite. It is a direct measurement to compare and contrast with. And, if you are anything like me, you will compare and contrast it to your own or others. That will probably not bode well for me. I can imagine a chorus of "oooooh, I didn't realize it was that bad" going off through out my circle of readers.

In light of this scary fact, I have decided to take my number back. To make it so that it stings a little less to show it to you. I own this number. It is my number. So yeah, I weigh 200. (And that is my early morning, butt naked, weight.) When I'm at the doctor, they have to push that freaking little arrow up to the next 50 pound notch. I shop (insert evil music here) in the "woman's" section. There are lots of things not healthy about me. Here is the picture to prove it.

But it's my number. And my weight. And my body. It has got me through a lot in these past 31 years. It had two babies. It walked 120 miles in 6 days. It carries me to all the places I need to go, and keeps me keeping on. Yeah, I weight 200 pounds.

200 (painful, lovely, annoying, honest, determined) pounds.

But soon, it will be less.

This week I am eating healthy (weight watchers style.) I am being active (EA Active.) I am moving more and sitting less (Gruve, baby!) And I am mamavating.

I plan to lose some of those 200 pounds. But gain a whole lot more of awesomeness along the way.

I'd rather Make Monday More

There is always drama out there, but recently it feels like it's getting out of control.

Mommy drama

Swag fights

Balloon Boy

TSA

Ugh. Enough already.

My Monday's tend to suck already, I really don't need to add any fuel to the fire.

So, I'm doing something that will help. I'm going to Make Monday More. It's my quest - and I hope some of you will join in - to make Monday's better by doing something to make someone or something better.

Last Monday, I didn't do much. I'm hoping you'll forgive me, because I was mending from doing somthing huge the day before - walking 60 miles, and raising $2,400+ for breast cancer.

The Monday before that, I commented on a wonderful woman's blog - she doesn't get many comments, and she needed some support.

This monday, I put out a call to twitter, and asked my tweeps how I could help. I already voted for a blog in a "best blog" contest. (Oh, and I got a few more requests - I just donated to another person's fundraising and gave a #mamavation vote!)

This is my point - I'm making Monday better. Every Monday, I pledge to make someone smile, I plan to leave a comment, let someone go in front of me in line, I plan to donate. I plan to send out some positive energy. Not because I want something back for it. Not to get credit.

Just because, I can. Just because I'm kinda sick of Monday sucking. I'm Making Monday More.

**If you want to see what I did every monday, I'll be tweeting it from @amndaj with the hashtag, #makemondaymore - please feel free to do the same!**

I'd rather I won.

Today is a hard day. Not the worst, mind you. I know it could be a whole hell of a lot worse.

But, none the less, it hurts.

I did not get chosen to be mamavated. I didn't even reach the top 5.

It was hard to apply - as I imagine it was for all the applicants. It was an extremely hard thing to write about my weight and to put my vlog out there - into the world for all to see. I tried to do it during the first Mamavtion campaign, and couldn't even get the vlog done because I was so worried about who would see it. But I did it this time. I made a vlog. I wrote the words. I told you all that, yes, I am overweight, and yes, it sucks.

I knew the chances of me getting to be the winner were slim. I mean, not only did I need to be willing to work hard (and I mean, hard) but I needed to show commitment, and I had to get people to vote. So I basically had to find you all, tell you I was fat, then tell you to help me fix it. And get more of you to do it than others. (Again, I repeat, not easy.) Oh, and also compete with other ladies who probably needed it as much as I did.

I had my guard up. I couldn't tell you everything - about every last moment that I have had in my past 15 years that got me to this point. That would be too hard. And it would take far too long. No, that would only happen if there was a good chance that I could take the title home. Become THE Mamavation Mom.

But then I started hoping. And dreaming. And letting my head feel how much my heart wanted it. And I said it out loud. And I let my guard down. I even answered questions - and asked some of my own. And I felt good about doing this. I told my husband that I really wanted this and that it would change - everything. The man even went out and got a twitter account just to support me, for heaven's sake.

Then I waited. For what seemed like an eternity - but really, it was only less than 2 days.

It was announced.

I did not win. I did not make it to the finalists. Close, but, no cigar.

And then it started. The tears. And they just kept coming. And coming. And I tried to twitter, and I tried to dm, and I tried to distract or put on a happy face. But the tears kept coming.

Seriously, it was ridiculous.

I hate when I cry - and my freakin' eyes do it way too often, little twerps. It wasn't any diferent this morning. I was a bawling baby.

Then I realized why I was crying so stinking much. That, not only did I want to win, and that I needed to win, but that I had to do something. And do it now.

So I am. I am making changes. Ready, here it goes:

• I'm changing up the blog - new location, new look, new content.
• I'm changing my twitter id to go with the blog
• I'm going back to healthy eating and making dinner at home.
• I'm exercising.
• I'm getting my butt in gear and doing things. Things that make me move more, and sit in front of the tv or computer less.
• I'm taking my kids and husband with me. It's a one for all kind of thing.

It will be hard. I won't have the support of the throngs of people that the Mamavation winner will have. But I can do it. Maybe not at warp speed, but I can at least freaking start, for crying out loud.

But one thing I won't be changing: I won't stop supporting the other Mamavation Moms - or anyone who wants to stop the battle, for that matter. I know a few more of you will feel what I'm feeling in a few days, when the final cuts are made.

And I can help. I'll let you cry and I'll let you get pissed. I'll let you eat some chocolate and sit on the couch to watch a chic flick. But then, you're gonna join me. We will write it out. We will work it out. And we will kick some ass.

We will get healthy. Together.