Saturday, January 9, 2010

I'd rather be crazy at the grocery store

I would like to officially appologize to anyone who had the missfortune of being in the grocery store with my kids and me this week.  If you are unsure who we were, here is a list of some of the things that were said, to refresh your memory:

"The giant squid packer thing is looking at me.  It's mad at me.  That, or it's looking at the bag roll because they are in love."
"The next person to put thier tounge on someone else gets a time out!"
"Moooommmmmmm, she did "ka ka" in my ear!"
Upon the automatic door not opening for me and the younger daughter, the older daughter says, "It's not opening because it is a judging door and you were not cute enough." (Also recall, later when we were finally - blessedly - leaving, the same older daughter actually got the "judging" door to open for her.  I was told "See mom, I'm cute so it opened.  You weren't.")
 And yes, I was that mom who said "Back away from the candy or I'm going to hit you in the head with these rolls."  And, yes, I was the same mom you caught hitting said girl with said rolls.  But remember, we were all laughing hysterically about it, so don't get too uppity.

I will say, that when you fall down on the job in the parenting field while at the grocery store, the night only goes down hill from there.  Thankfully, we left with a full cart - unescorted, even - but this is what was said after we got in the car, and at home.  It got worse:
"Mommmmmm, my pants fell down and I'm sitting on my butt cheeks."
 (Then the other daughter, in response to the above statement, added...) "If you're happy and you know it clap your butt cheeks."
Later, I was asked, "Can I play with the wine opener?" as if it were an acceptable form of entertainment for anyone other than mommy.
I loved this attempted bribe: "If you give me an Ande's chocolate I'll be less hyper."
"Can everybody be quiet, I'm trying to poo here!" was screamed out from the bathroom.
The most rewarding line: "I challenge you to... a DANCE off!"
"I fly super fast - just like a Chiwawa!"

I will say that this was not a normal grocery trip.  I left smiling, and not stressed out.  Oh, and I normally don't allow that much bathroom humor.  But, sometimes, you just gotta be insane - and let others think what they want - in order to get through the day, and to give your kids some happy, fun memories.

Don't be a judge-a-puss.  You know you sometimes act like an idiot too.  Or you at least want to.


  1. LOL! Aparently you took my kids shopping with you :)

  2. dude - everytime I take both my kids (15 and 20) to the store, they do the same thing!